I Want to Scream

     Today, I went to Costco with my family. Starting from when we were starting to head home, my sister, as always, was occasionally pestering me about little things. "Don't let the food by you fall" "Get the detergent (while I was bringing things with both of my hands)" "Open the door (when it looked closed and I clearly didn't have a key)" and whatnot. It's not her first time doing this, but it's never a good feeling for me when she does it. I feel horrible for a bit every time she does it. It's almost as if the momentum of these kept up as she kept having more to say, and, I swear to god, I almost lost it. I was genuinely so tempted to throw our food on the floor and say something along the lines of "YOU WANT IT? GET ON THE FLOOR AND EAT IT!!!" before chanting "FUCK! YOU! FUCK! YOU!" repeatedly as I stomp on it. Of course, that's what I imagined myself doing, I didn't actually do it.

    This has always been a thing for me -- the imagining part. Whenever I feel like I've been wronged by someone, I tend to reimagine the scenarios repeatedly, but now with a twist: I have an outburst that makes them feel bad for what they did, or do anything else that causes them to reflect. It's horrible, I know, but I can't help it, but I hold myself back from doing it anyway. Maybe it's because I lack the ego to do it, maybe it's because of the fear that my mom will once again weaponize instances like these as evidence to so-called "professionals in mental health and young people with ADHD" that I need "help" in order to trap me back into the program, full of  meetings with people who half-ass their jobs and don't actually care about me, secretly seeing me and my family as an asset to take advantage of. All this because my mom finds a small aspect about me that she has a problem with...

    Apology for the dramatic description of what I imagined myself doing, it definitely seems pretty corny when I type it all out, but it's really the only way I feel capable of putting it. It seems that watching the film 'Mommy' (2014) really struck something in me that never left after I first watched it a year ago. For the record, I love my sister -- she's kind of the person I wish I could be more like -- but she's so perfect that it scares me. Every time she has another thing to say to me in *THAT* tone it feels like another reminder of how flawed I am and how many little things about me I'd have to change if I wanted to be liked by everyday people. And considering the fact that my parents have never seemed to be on my side whenever I try to stand up to her, I just feel so hopeless.

    In the future, when I slowly steer away from my family and aim to be an artist more, I just hope I meet someone different who I'd be willing to spend the rest of my life with. Someone who understands me, doesn't judge me, and makes me feel comfortable as they subtly help me shape myself into becoming the person I want to be more like without forcing anything onto me. That is all I want.

- Anthony “Salteh” S. • • •

'Internet Story' EP coming soon...

     I've been so occupied with lots of things to a point where I haven't put out a new blog post in months (breaking my self-challenge to write at least one every month). Despite all that, however, is a lingering idea in my head... well, many lingering ideas, all pointing to new music.

    'Internet Story' is the name of my next EP. Throughout my time conceptualizing and working on it, I've taken inspiration from some indie artists from the past decade and a half who I've loved -- King Krule, Japanese Breakfast, yeule, even some early Clairo. It's that, but also older bands, most significantly Cocteau Twins, but a bit of Arcade Fire too.

  

    The EP will be 5 tracks long. The tracklist is as follows:

1. Logging On / Hello Xira (Intro)
2. Left Out Of The Club
3. I Miss Manyland
4. Emotionless Zombie
5. Godspeed, Iceman

    As time goes on, I realize the internet is like a double-edged sword. These past few years, especially in post-COVID times, I've in a way raised myself through it. It's helped me discover a lot about myself and what I'm really interested in, as well as changed me, but it's also brought me to my worst at times. And I know I'm not alone in this, so the point of this upcoming EP of mine is to reflect on the online experiences of myself and others that I've observed.

    Anyways, I can't give an exact release date for it, but I promise you, it will hopefully be out later this month, so I hope you all will be looking forward to it. In the meantime, I've finally made my once-private videos on the music channel on YouTube (which the new EP will be uploaded on) public again after almost a year, which you can check out while you wait.

- Anthony “Salteh” S. • • •

Seventeen (and a day) [UNFINISHED]

     Today, I turn 17 (plus a day). Today was a good day.

My Annual Media Consumption Roundup - 2024 (UNFINISHED)

    This year has reached its end, meaning it's time for my second annual media consumption roundup. I wish I could say I've been looking forward to this, but instead I feel embarrassed going into this. You'll see why later on in this post... 

For now though, let's start with the not so embarrassing part of this. The part I could talk about the best.

Music

    It seems that every year there'll be an artist who I've first tapped into one project of within the years before, but I become obsessed with in the current year. Last year it was BROCKHAMPTON and Japanese Breakfast, this year it was yeule, who I first tapped into with softscars in December 2023 when I was looking for music to put on my year end lists, not expecting myself to end up obsessing over their work the next year to a point where they became my Spotify Wrapped top artist. Only projects of theirs I first heard this year were Serotonin II, their self-titled EP, and their Pathos EP, all of which are definitely quite notable projects though!

    Music exploration for me this year was a little slow, as I didn't do as much of it as I did last year, heard nearly 50 new albums, and relistened to a lot of stuff. Early on I dabbled in some St. Vincent, listened to some jazz, continued my Queen discography dive, and was a bit hooked on projects I first listened to like JEFFERY by Young Thug, Bad Brains' self-titled album, Let the Sun Talk by MAVI, and Heaven or Las Vegas by Cocteau Twins. Surprisingly, I also started tapping into more k-pop with new releases from ILLIT and Yves, liking ILLIT more at first but then swapping late in the year with their newer EPs at the time. During my "time to lock in" period near the end of last school year I delved into Boards of Canada and ended up playing their songs quite a lot, and later 

Some of my favorite artists I got into this year:

• Sun Kil Moon
• Boris
• The Strokes
• The Flaming Lips
• Laufey
• Scarface / Geto Boys
• Laura Nyro
• Cocteau Twins
• Boards of Canada
• Young Thug
• Mach-Hommy
• MAVI
• Ween
• Ethel Cain
• Sarah Kinsley
• St. Vincent
• Yves

Some Thoughts as a Former Slowthai Superfan (UNFINISHED)

     At the moment, if you asked me what my go-to "therapy" album is, as in an album to get all my feelings and emotions sorted out to as I listen to the artist do the same, I'd easily say it's softscars by yeule. You can read my review of it on Album of The Year to kind of understand why, but in short, it's an album that reflects yeule's struggle with things like self-harm, self-loathing, body image, imperfection, and their identity, and how they've come to terms with it and are willing to actively take care of themselves while healing from it all. Even as someone who can't necessarily relate to everything they express on it, I still kind of feel these parallels between my own struggles and theirs whenever I listen to it. In 2022, however, if you asked me that same question again I obviously wouldn't answer with softscars, simply because it hadn't existed at the time. The answer, instead, that I'd give you would likely be TYRON by slowthai.

    Yes, the kind of 

From the River to the Sea, pt. 2

     Back in March, I made a blog post titled From the River to the Sea, declaring my support for Palestine, detailing how I've felt regarding the ongoing atrocities being committed there, and providing links to encourage others to show support. In the post, I described how much damage has been done to waves of innocent people and their homes and how it needs to stop immediately. 7 months have passed and barely any progress has been made. It's truly saddening.

    

    As time has passed, I've grown to further realize the reality of how the 'people in power' here in the US are trying to make people perceive this situation. Media coverage of the situation has been terrible: news outlets and newspapers only report on Israel's attempts to retrieve their hostages from Hamas and undermine the suffering they've put all of Gaza under in such neutral ways. They'll avoid highlighting the nonstop suffering of Palestinians, only the people experiencing it firsthand with the resources to broadcast it to the world are attempting to do so, but you see their attempts being met with censorship. Like, the reason why a bill is being passed in the US to ban TikTok is more than just to "protect the kids," it's to censor videos showcasing Israel's war crimes. For christs sake, a US senator's admitted it with no shame, and it's disgusting. Then you see university students going out of their way to protest against our nation's corrupt system funding Israel, only to be met with arrests and their efforts being labeled as antisemitism, when that's very much not true. Denzel Curry has shown his support for Palestine in a post and ended it in a statement that I believe resonates with everyone else on the same page as him, stating "And for the record I'm NOT antisemitic I just hate the treatment of the Palestinian people."

    Additionally, I think it's worth acknowledging the musicians that've made their stance, have used their platform to bring further awareness, and/or have . Never in my life would I have expected him to show this much awareness and genuine care towards a cause, but Macklemore released a track a few months ago titled "HIND'S HALL" with all profit made off it going towards the UNRWA. I certainly recommend streaming it to contribute

    Why does the world have to be this way?

Meaning Behind 3 Dots

    Today's the last day of September and I haven't put out any blog posts this month. In order to not mess up my at-least-one-blog-post-a-month challenge for myself which I messed up in July, I dug up a blog post idea I had in mind from the very early days of this blog to finally let out into this.

    3 dots. A signature I've claimed as my own, pretty much a personal trademark at this point. It's my Twitter display name, I sign off serious messages with it, my Twitter profile picture used to include it, my goodbye YouTube video simply displayed them, and my it's part of the design of my selfsona's button up shirt (is that what they're called?) if you haven't noticed already, among other things. So why 3 dots, organized in a line? 

    When you see someone online send 3 periods, they're usually speechless in a neutral way. If they end their message with it, they're adding a bit of a space or leading into something. I've always had this weird attachment to the number 3 for a long time now and I don't know why. The 3 starter lives stereotype for video games? 3 offered starter Pokémon per game (I was heavily into Pokémon when it started to stick with me)? Trilogies and trinities? I'm not sure.

    Anyways, believe it or not (hopefully believe, considering the last paragraph), I kind of started embracing this 3 dots trademark thoughtlessly. I thought it was a nice and simple way to represent myself. As time has gone on, however, I've started to meld my own meaning for it.

    I don't like labeling myself or being labeled, I don't think those types of things even matter, but I guess I'd always consider myself an introverted, nervous kid that can't always express himself properly, at least in real life. I feel like it's only become a more serious thing as I grow up and get a better understanding of myself, my feelings, my past experiences, and the world around me. One thing I can't exactly get a better understanding of, however, is how I want to move forward with these things, especially when it feels like the whole world's in a rough spot. I'm in conflict with myself often, constantly comparing myself to others in my head and not feeling fit for most communities I involve myself in, among other things. Additionally, seeing how the current climate in different fields are doesn't make it any better. There's so much going on and I don't think I can keep up with all of it, so I try to distract myself and look away from it all, even if that's not the smartest thing for me to do as I grow up. It's through all the music and other art I love as an escape from it all, while inspiring my own creative endeavors as an additional escape. That's what I'd kind of say my 3 dots connects with. Both my silence and my internal struggle to make out feelings about whatever's going on (maybe a 3rd reason if we include making my own music and art as a means of achieving some sort of peace and satisfaction... wait a second 3 reasons... just like the dots... oh my god I'm a geni-).

    As far back as I can recall, I first embraced these 3 dots in the early days of my Bandcamp artist account. I made it years ago, before I was even old enough to have one (which is why it's empty, though I promise I'll start using it eventually as I'm 16), and branded it the same way I did for my typical, casual social media accounts. Eventually, though, I felt it was a little too immature and didn't suit the type of mood or aesthetic I wanted to aim for with it. Desperate to switch things, I ended up making a simple black background, 3 white dots graphic as my profile picture to convey something a bit serious. It felt weird, having that as the picture representing me on there, while on my other social media accounts I stuck to my more cartoony side. That was until I experienced another small hate/troll raid on my Twitter account that I let my more serious side shine through that simple graphic representing me all over. I've let that image of how I present myself slip quite a bit, but deep inside I always feel connected to it, it's what I feel represents me better.

    Maybe I sound pretentious for making up profound symbolism behind 3 dots that I initially embraced for no reason? Whatever. Anyways, as I continue to grow up I hope for these sentiments to still remain true in some way, and I hope more can understand that and give me the type of respect I've struggled to gain for a long time. I hope that you all can at least connect with that, and if not that's fine, I'm open to finding more people who feel they can.

- Anthony “Salteh” S. • • •

Envisioning Myself with Greater Ambition

    It's been a few months since Kendrick Lamar's 'The Pop Out: Ken & Friends' concert, and it's still pretty incredible to look back on and think about. He brought together longtime friends from his old label, some from his industry in general, and so many other West Coast natives of different levels of popularity to perform for a huge crowd rallied up after the viral rap beef. To think about how some of his friends there had once been young, hanging around people like him, and getting in their zone making the music they enjoy, eventually leading up to this moment a longtime later where they're grown up and all united is such a special thing.

    It's things like that that I'd love to experience. Obviously, I'm still just starting at this, so it won't happen right away, but I want to feel like everything I create with the intent of putting out into the world is something that has value to me, something that at the very least has me feeling like I'm taking another step further on my artistic journey. But it's going to take a lot of time, effort, and improvement to reach.

    I've been learning quite a bit about some of my favorite current indie artists and how they've gotten to where they are now, and it has me going "Wow. I already feel some connection here on a personal level. I can picture myself in something like this." It's been artists like yeule, Michelle Zauner (Japanese Breakfast), and King Krule, but yeule especially as of late. Beyond admiring their music, visuals, and aesthetic, I've looked through their Wikipedia page and artist bios and have found it so fascinating to see their artistic evolution and where it's gotten them now. I also can't help but mention my personal attachment to their work, as softscars has grown to become among my favorite albums. Whenever I listen to it (or at least a song off it), I could tell that they've been through so much hardship at the time that they're now spilling out into the music. There's so many lines throughout the album that still stick with me, some that I feel a personal connection to, and some that don't have that but still feel precious. And I know I'm not the only one with that, I've seen people on their Discord server talking about how it's helped them in some way. Seeing that as well really has me inspired. It altogether has me wishing that I could have something like what yeule has.

    What's important is that I'm working towards it, but if you know me, you know it'll be especially hard. I struggle to focus on things and put my full effort into them, it's a bit hard for me to retain everything I learn, and it's hard for me to do that consistently and efficiently. What I want to try to do is finish what's currently on my plate (like school work), cut out distractions as much as possible, and give myself time to learn and improve my music skills. It's tough, as I've taken piano lessons for years, my talent in it going as far as being able to play Fur Elise, but I've gotten lazy and let a lot of that skill fade away. When it comes to guitar, I'm very inconsistent when it comes to practicing, and I still struggle to play some things on it. When it comes to music production and handling music programs, most of the time I either don't know what to make or struggle to make what I want sound right. In short, I haven't exercised my music skill as much as I should, and so I'm not the best at what I do.

    What I have had, however, is ambitions. For years at this point, I've dreamed of pursuing music, putting out what I've wanted to make, having it reach people willing to support me with it, screw it, even crossing paths with other artists I love. I've already imagined so many projects to make on a conceptual scale, and have sometimes imagined the reactions to them. I seriously want to do this because it feels right to me. I don't think I'm capable of handling a part-time job even though I'm at the age where I can do that, and I can't imagine having a normal job because I don't feel like I'd be achieving anything huge with it. I want to pursue this and know I have to start at the young age I'm at in preparation for the bigger things, both inside and outside of this career. On top of that, I want to reach people who find value in it in order to feel like I've achieved something special out of it, as well as lost friends to reconnect with.

    Earlier this month, my sister and I flew to LA to see one of her favorite artists, Laufey, perform at the Hollywood Bowl with the Los Angeles Philharmonic as her early birthday gift, and it simply became the best concert I've ever been to. One moment that still sticks with me was how at one point, as she was performing 'Letter To My 13 Year Old Self,' when she delivered her lines 'One day, you'll be up on stage / Little girls will scream your name,' the crowd temporarily arose in cheer. Throughout the show, she opened up to the crowd in between songs and gave us a further glimpse on her life and the stories from them she's encapsulated in her songs. She talked about her upbringing, experiences that inspired her songs, where she was when she wrote them, and her dreams as an artist, all leading up to this moment that was special, not only to her, but certainly to so many in the crowd, myself included. I just found it so inspiring to witness in the moment: an artist who grew a clear passion for music when they were young, having dreams to turn it into a successful career, putting so much time and dedication into making what they love for people with that same connection, and eventually knowing it's all paid off as they watch their dreams come true in front of them.

    I love when I'm listening to an artist that I can tell has a deep appreciation for music, and in turn, makes what they make in hopes of finding people who connect with it and appreciate or be inspired by it the same way the artist has before. I want to have that sort of impact one day.

- Anthony “Salteh” S. • • •

Do I Really Deserve to Pass?

     Today was the last day of school, but it all felt unreal, really. It was a half day spent on a field with just about everyone in my high school. Barely interacted with anyone aside from a few teachers, most of which weren't even goodbyes. Then I went home as if it was another after school moment, this time however I slacked off completely rather than most of the time, knowing it was over. Not to mention I spent a lot of time laying in bed and had heavy winds and hail outside causing so much sound. But even after all that, feeling like it's transitioning me into a break, it all feels unreal, and it's not exactly in a good way.

    I feel like a part of what makes things feel this way for me is just the case of my academic performance this whole year. While I did good in environmental science, algebra, and Arabic (somehow), I didn't do well in my APUSH class for a while, although I really redeemed myself in the end. Then there's my advanced ELA class. We read several books but I only finished one through our teacher guiding us all. We had seminars discussing the books but I sat out of all of them out of being unprepared. I never completed any of the prep either, same goes for most of the essays and projects. Somehow, despite all that, I managed to pass, and I feel like it's all been out of my teacher's kindness. He's been so nice throughout, but I feel like I've taken advantage of it and continued to lack improvement. I really want to apologize to him, but it feels so wrong to do, because I'd only be apologizing for my own faults that didn't affect him because he had been doing his job the whole time and getting paid for it either way.

    On top of that, I've had so many people in my life see that I was struggling, to which they showed their support and reaffirm me that they had faith in me redeeming myself. I even constantly told myself that I'll do so through fixing my schedule and managing my time better. And although I somewhat did redeem myself in the end, I just find myself questioning... at what cost? Did I really deserve it? Because ultimately, I feel like I barely achieved anything. I just can't believe it's done now.

    It's about time I try to make a change here. I want to start spending my time with things I actually care about, passions I have, and improving at things I currently lack at. That way I'll really be prepared to tackle anything and make time for myself to pursue what I want to.

- Anthony “Salteh” S. • • •

Sixteen

     Today, I turn 16. Today was a fine day.

    Once again, today felt pretty normal, and I'm honestly ok with it being that way. Had some teachers and schoolmates wish me a happy birthday. Once again just like last time, I'm deeply concerned with how I'm doing in ELA. I've failed it in 2 quarters, so I have to do my best this semester to hopefully pass.

    Had a few gifts at home. I asked my mom for a Xiu Xiu and Japanese Breakfast shirt as a gift a week ago, and the Xiu Xiu shirt arrived on Monday, though the same hasn't happened for the Japanese Breakfast shirt, but that's fine. My sister also had me a gift, that being a Japanese Breakfast vinyl! Jubilee specifically, would've loved getting Psychopomp more since that's my favorite album of Michelle's, but it's fine, Jubilee's still great. Listened to it with my family around and it's been a fine time.

    Interesting things have gone on today, and well, this week, and I certainly feel like I'm in for a treat. My EP reached 100 views today, and according to YouTube statistics, it gained 60 views today which came from Facebook... dear god I hope my mom didn't promote it as a birthday gift. Last week the new Agriculture EP dropped (which I didn't hear in full yet despite loving them), and tomorrow the new Knocked Loose album drops, so I'll probably be eating up new music from my favorite metal bands tomorrow. Not to mention Animal Well released today, and as a Videogamedunkey superfan, you sure as hell know I've been looking forward to it though I probably won't be able to play it anytime soon.

    With that being said, it's about time I put my life into perspective to consider how things are going for me right now, how they've been, and how they should be in the long run. Like I said earlier, I haven't been doing my best in school, and it's very crucial that I fix that drastically. It's mostly because of my distractions, and I've known very well what those are, just haven't been able to separate myself from them. There's a lot of media I hope to consume within the next few months, and creative endeavors I want to go on, but I'm only able to do that if I straighten out my grades and focus. Not to mention I have ideas for more music to put out, so I want to practice music more since I'm not the best with guitar yet and have been losing my years of piano practice. I also want to get back into practicing my art skills, as I've had ideas as to what to do with that.

    Beyond that, however, I need to start preparing for what I'll do as I get older. That may sound stupid, but seriously. I can't really see myself capable of pursuing normal part-time jobs, so I feel like music is my only option, therefore it's important that I'm pursuing it early. And it's more than just for my own benefit, I honestly do dream of somewhat making a name for myself in a creative field and doing bigger and more personal projects.

    Anyways, I have a big history exam to prepare for tomorrow. See you all.

- Anthony “Salteh” S. • • •

Started Viewing the World Differently

     Thought about typing this out last week but it was April Fools Day so I thought it wouldn't be very fitting. Planned on doing so the next day but procrastinated for a few days. Anyways.

    I've never been the one to care for fashion or looks too much. It's ironic because I'm really self-conscious about my looks, especially when it comes to my hair. I've never really thought of myself as good looking, and I've beaten myself up inside so much because of it.

    Last week, on the start of the month, my family and I had a little day trip to New York. We did the usual at first, going to the same book stores we'd known, but I didn't find anything I was truly interested in this time around. But the trip wasn't over and I found something else making this trip worth experiencing.

    We went to a clothing store my sister wanted to go to, and for a while my dad and I just stood somewhere waiting, as we typically would when brought along to these types of stores. But then something popped in my mind. I thought about how I typically hated how I dressed with my mom's help, how boring I thought it made me look. I started looking around.

    Then I went with my sister to UNIQLO, and even though I had felt some sort of bias against the company after learning about where they get their fabrics from the month before through my environmental science class, this ethical ideal I had stopped temporarily as I got fascinated by all the style of the clothing there. Prior to our visit, I was beginning to form a small interest in visual art, paintings, and art periods, and so when my sister picked out a shirt she liked with the art of Jean-Michel Basquiat, I recognized it instantly, as well as that of Keith Haring. I loved what I was seeing as I followed her.

    As we went back into the streets, I couldn't help but pay attention to the graffiti filling up large once-empty blocks (I don't even know if that's the right word but whatever, you get what I'm saying). I felt like some sort of mature professional, an appreciator for such art. This feeling carried on as we stopped by a restaurant serving Asian cuisine. I was paying attention to and appreciating all these things like never before.

    Call me stupid all you want, but this is more complicated than something worth responses along the lines of "wow you touched grass" "wow you finally went outside". I do go outside, but I tend to ignore it and move along. Usually on a day trip to New York (or almost anywhere), I'd just listen to music on my phone, keep going, and ignore everything else. But I feel like I've been enlightened as to what's really offered out there. I always thought that there was something special about seeing the world like this and the idea of it all, but I never truly paid attention to it when I had the chance to experience it until now.

    I've wanted to become this sort of appreciator for such art that could make me feel older than I actually am. I'd like to say I've nearly nailed it with my music taste and am on that road when it comes to my film taste, but I want to give myself more time to expand that for my taste across different mediums, as I think it could help me find inspiration for my own art.

    And when it comes to looks, I hope to start taking control of my own more. I think my sister is perfect; she's much smarter than me, dresses herself well, maintains decent relationships, has the right personality, has decent tastes, still maintains her talents, etc. I wish I could be more like her. But it’s hard to figure out where to start.

    I’ve started downloading pictures on my phone of musicians I like, specifically ones of them that strike out to me. I hope that it helps me find inspiration as to my art, how I dress, etc. I hope things will improve for me in this sense, now that I’ve started viewing the world differently.

- Anthony “Salteh” S. • • •

From the River to the Sea

    When it comes to topics of the current state of politics or world problems, I don't like to involve myself in any discussion relating to it. I usually don't feel knowledgeable enough to be speaking on them and don't feel it's relevant to what I tend to go online to talk about. However, with what's been going on, I figured I can't be quiet and should break out of this habit temporarily.

    Around early November, I started noticing tweets on my timeline about an ongoing conflict between Palestine and Israel. I starting hearing about it in school, as a classmate brought it up during a history discussion and outgoing boys in my Arabic class jokingly (I assume) said "pray for Israel!" As the situation seemed to escalate over time (as I would hear about it more online), I started getting a better understanding of the situation, but stuck with the mindset of "I don't need to involve myself in these things, I'll just stay quiet and have in mind the idea that it's a concerning situation that needs to be stopped." as I avoided paying too much attention to tweets concerning the matter.

    However, I started contemplating this mindset of mine as it started making its way into things I had given a care about. Twitter mutuals of mine started becoming vocal on the situation, viral tweets encouraged viewers to contribute to Palestinean relief websites in the replies, and most significantly to me, Redveil had called for a ceasefire during his set in Camp Flog Gnaw 2023, as a long list of children killed in the conflict scrolled behind him. From this point forward, I realized I shouldn't be dismissive towards this situation anymore. Today, I figured I should finally try speaking up for it.

    What I've come to realize is that this situation, for the most part, is a genocide on the people of Palestine. Every day, more and more innocent (as far as I'm concerned) people of Palestine are being killed, and it's likely growing as I'm typing this up. Through Twitter, I've seen posts showing Palestinian kids being happy with their lives in one image and then as lifeless bodies, footage of a few men getting a motorcycle to run as they intend to escape this terror before getting hit with a nuke, children of Palestine forming small protests and expressing their desire to live, pictures of an entire bloodline of people now completely wiped out, a man rushing through a hospital with his severely injured child in hand just for doctors to realize it's too late to save them by the time they get to start assessing them, and so much more. Even a few weeks ago, we saw the self-immolation of Aaron Bushnell in front of the Embassy of Israel in Washington, D.C. in protest against American support for Israel during this situation. It comes to show how detrimental of an effect this situation is having on not just the people oppressed by Israel, but also people outside who can't help but sympathize.

    What disgusts me even more is realizing this isn't the first time conflicts between the nations occurred. They've been going on countless times, stretching as far back as the 1940s. The people of Gaza have suffered under Israel's attacks for so long now that it needs to end. In a time where the internet allows people from all over to communicate and spread information, it's about time we should try to collectively influence an end to it all.

    I've seen tons of ignorant people say something along the lines of "if I'm not part of the problem, why should I be playing a part in it?" which disgusts me, as it only comes to show how much decency some lack to understand and sympathize with people whose lives are just as valuable with theirs. And it appears that our government (referring to that of the United States, to those of you reading outside of there) hasn't done much to try to help. Even outside of the major powers, we have tons of companies and corporations supporting Israel, meaning that money spent on their products partially supports an ongoing genocide.

    I'm lucky enough to be raised in America to Filipino parents with a decent income to support themselves, my older sister, and I. Sometimes I don't feel thankful for all that I've been given, and at times I don't feel like I want what I've been given anymore, especially seeing less unfortunate people younger than me suffer. That becomes especially the case with Palestine's ongoing crisis. I obviously haven't experienced it myself, but what I do have is understanding. Understanding of how terrible things are for the people of Palestine, especially towards those younger than me. Unfortunately, there's many who lack that, and it sickens me to know that.

    Provided are several online resources to show support. I highly encourage you all to look into these and follow along with what they provide, as showing your support alongside a growing number of people will show just how much this situation means to people in and out of Palestine.

Daily Click-To-Help website in favor of Palestinians.

Several provided actions to demand a ceasefire in Gaza.

List of Zionist companies and corporations to boycott.

App for scanning product barcodes to shop ethically and know what to boycott.

    As we hear more about the deaths and casualties caused by Israeli forces evert day, we need to remind ourselves that these are more than just numbers. They represent real people, just like us, who've done nothing wrong. They want life, but their oppressors want genocide.

    This took weeks to write, and I've tried to find the right time to finish and post it. I've wanted it done as early as possible to show my support before more destruction happens, but unfortunately I've had to keep holding it back. Anyways, the reason why I've written this blog post is because I care and feel as if I need to influence others to do the same, no matter how little impact I end up having. I may not have the biggest platform to influence change in our world, but I figured it's better to try to show support than to opt out of it. Enough damage has already been done, the people of Palestine are traumatized by the life they hold with their hands every day, and so the best we could do is try to show our support for them. None of these people deserve to suffer like this. We must hold our hopes that this chaos ends, and peace upon Palestine is returned. From the river to the sea.

- Anthony “Salteh” S. • • •

2 Years of Blogging

     2 years ago, I was bored and randomly decided to check out some google services. Came across Blogspot and decided to create this blog, using an old and simplistic design, cause why not. Didn't expect to be a big deal for me and be worth caring about in the future, but look where we are now.

    It's ironic how I say these things cause a lot of the time I don't feel like anyone cares about it. After all, there's still no one following it. But I'm still glad I use it. Plus, I've noticed some tweets I've made to promote these posts when they're new sometimes get likes, meaning people have likely checked them out.

    I'm glad to still be using this in different ways, from announcements, to thematic essays, to self-reflections and diary-like entries, etc. To make up for my inconsistency, I've tried making at least one blog post a month since August, and I've done pretty good at it. Within the past year, some of my personal highlights regarding this blog include my post reflecting on Cowboy Bebop 1 year after starting to watch it (which I rushed to type up at the end of the day and finished in time), my post announcing Songs From Dream Beach, my post thanking you all for the support for it, and finally starting my annual media consumption roundup.

    In the future, I may or may not start using labels on my posts to categorize them and make them easy for people to access. There's also some post drafts I have sitting around, like one reflecting on Super Smash Bros. Ultimate 5 years after its release, coming from someone who was part of the series' community at the time. Was planning to get it out on December 7th but didn't have it done in time, so by the time it's finished it'll be late, awkwardly enough. But anyways, thank you to everyone that's taken the time to read through at least one post of mine. I don't plan to end this blog anytime soon, so I hope you all will stick around and check out future posts, maybe even earlier ones that are already out. Kept myself so busy with other things today (most of it being procrastination, unfortunately) that I had to postpone my planned first listen of We Can't Be Stopped by Geto Boys to finish working on this before the day ends. But yeah, see you all.

- Anthony “Salteh” S. • • •

Wasted Day

     Yesterday, to what everyone around me the day prior predicted, was a snow day. I stayed at home and sat at my desk with my schoolwork. I knew I had a huge opportunity to get my work done, as I barely got any done the night before, and I had a chance to be more prepared for the next day. Throughout it, my sister brought her friend over and we had a fine time, my parents went in and out, and we had a day off, among many things. Also throughout it, I went on different sites, looked through different things, even playing some stuff, promising myself that I'll get to my schoolwork to catch up on. That lasted the whole day.

    I can't even believe in what had happened. I had so much time on my hands to improve and be more prepared for school, but I wasted it all on useless things. I don't even know if I'll get to improving anytime soon. I'm just scared I'll keep procrastinating and failing at everything I was once good at.

- Anthony “Salteh” S. • • •

Going Down the Road to Failure

    This is so hard for me to process, I don't even want to think about it. I'm just doing so terribly in school, it all feels natural now, and I hate that.

    Every weekday, I go to school with 6 hours of sleep at most and so much work I haven't completed. I go about, slightly slacking off in every period, sometimes sitting there clueless for a moment since I can't process everything. I hate hesitating to tell teachers I haven't finished my assignments, especially in history. I hate having them giving me extensions out of politeness. I hate not turning in assignments alongside everyone else because I didn't do them.

    Then I go home with a mini schedule in mind of how much time I'll spend on all my work in order to get it all done quickly and efficiently. Instead, I have the smallest things distract and waste most of my time. The sounds of the TV my dad is watching at in the other room. All the footsteps. If that isn't distracting enough, I end up distracting myself, pulling up different websites on my Mac. Once I "stop" with it, I end up staying late upon finally realizing how much work I had to do and catch up on. I "try" to finish as much work as I feel like I can finish before sleeping at 1, 2, sometimes even 3 AM, telling myself, "I'll finish it tomorrow throughout the day before turning it in." You won't believe how poorly those thoughts age.

    Then the weekends come, and I tell myself I'll catch up with all the work throughout it. Throughout it, I put on some music since weekends are when I'm able to focus on listening to full albums. Sometimes I'll play a game. Sometimes I'll waste time scrolling through Twitter. Once I snap out of it all, I only have a few hours left before going back to school. The whole process repeats.

    Last week, it was decided that I wouldn't be allowed to go on a trip for film class despite doing good in it because I was failing in some subjects. Last night my mom told me I failed history.

    I feel bad for my teachers for having to put up with my constant late and incomplete assignments. In fact, I feel bad for everyone that's tried to support me and motivate me to do better. I've failed everyone, but even worse, I've failed myself. I'm not the smart, quiet "genius" of an Asian American teen people would expect me to be like. I'm just a failure.

    Help me.

- Anthony “Salteh” S. • • •

My Annual Media Consumption Roundup - 2023

    The year is coming to an end, and looking back, it was pretty fine for me, maybe slightly better than last year? Anyways, I consumed quite a lot of media for the first time this year over different mediums, so I figured I should look back at the highlights of that with this. I definitely should've done this last year, but oh well, I didn't think of it at the time.

To start off, let's start with the medium I obviously consumed the most stuff from.

Music

    I heard about 200 albums for the first time this year, over 50 of which being from this year. I had a larger amount of artists I planned to get into this year in comparison to last year, and I was able to nail most of them, although there were a few that just didn't click with me. Early on, I tapped into Sweet Trip, LCD Soundsystem, clipping., and Fleet Foxes, all of which clicked with me instantly, although clipping. grew off me over time. I also tapped into King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard and James Blake around this time, but they didn't truly click with me until later in the year. I was pretty slow in consuming music new to me until late February, when I had mutuals on Twitter showing off the amount of scrobbles they had this year in comparison to me, leading me to start listening to music more. This led to more consistent first listens, most notably with me finally hearing BROCKHAMPTON's other two SATURATION albums after hearing the first one last year, leading me to grow obsessed with their music for months. Even better, however, a week later I finally tapped into Xiu Xiu with "A Promise," which instantly became a perfect album to me.

NEW 10 pic.twitter.com/3GCJc7EZD2

— • • • (@SaltehTSS) March 4, 2023

    As I was slowly checking out more recent albums throughout it, I tapped into more female artists in March (after all, that was Women's History Month), I grew obsessed with Rina Sawayama in April and May (leading to XS being my top streamed song according to my Spotify Wrapped), I notably got well into Parannoul in May as After the Night became a new 10/10 album to me (it's grown a bit off me ever since but still is my favorite album of the year), I got really into Bon Iver over the summer (leading to For Emma, Forever Ago eventually becoming a new 10/10 album for me) and finished listening to some artist discographies including Radiohead's at the time, and my Japanese Breakfast kick started in September as I finally checked out Jubilee and Soft Sounds From Another Planet. In November I got more into metal as the music community on Twitter started a "Only Metal November" challenge I somewhat participated in. Had a great time with that, as I found myself a new favorite metal album (Symbolic by Death) and discovered the metalcore band Knocked Loose, who I got quite obsessed with. For the last month of the year, I caught up on some new music, most significantly from Mitski, as I decided to check out some of her earlier work after hearing her new album, all of which I loved.

    Looking back at this year's music in particular, I was able to hear quite a number of new releases, as I found a lot of them on Album of The Year's front page with a short runtime. Found myself mostly loving Parannoul's new projects, feeling more obliged to check out more metal after hearing Agriculture's self-titled debut album, loving the collaboration albums from JPEGMAFIA & Danny Brown and Billy Woods & Kenny Segal, finding Sufjan Stevens' new album so beautiful and heartbreaking, and being so pleased with Navy Blue's new album. There were also some notable EPs, such as Quadeca's SCRAPYARD series, Moodring's "YOUR LIGHT FADES AWAY," Maruja's "Knocknarea," and of course, bl4ck m4rket c4rt's "Today I Laid Down." Hope Kai's in a better place.

Some of my favorite artists I got into this year:

• Xiu Xiu
• Bon Iver
• Sweet Trip
• Parannoul
• Lingua Ignota
• Elliott Smith
• LCD Soundsystem
• Ichiko Aoba
• Rina Sawayama
• Knocked Loose
• James Blake
• Janelle Monáe
• Run The Jewels
• Sufjan Stevens
• Mitski

Films

    As my film interest that started about halfway through 2022 was dragging into the next year, I watched a lot more films. In February, I was pretty consistent with watching films on my watchlist that I thought were amazing, including Fight Club (though that could probably grow off me), Oldboy, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (on Valentine's Day to fulfill my lonely heart), and Blade Runner. Things slowed down a lot, but picked up again during Spring break in April, where I watched Waves, Raging Bull, Stray Dog, Her, The Super Mario Bros. Movie (in theaters), and Akira, then ending off the month with Paths of Glory and Little Miss Sunshine. Things went slow once again though I did see Lady Bird and Ponyo. As my summer break started, I ended up seeing a lot less films than I hoped to see, but I did get to stuff like Lost in Translation, Buffalo '66, Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (in theaters, easily my favorite out of the two films from this year that I watched lmao), Eraserhead, Parasite, Aftersun (best film of the decade so far in my opinion!!), Howl's Moving Castle, and My Neighbor Totoro. As the next school year started, I didn't always have the time to watch films, but I did see quite a number of them through film class, including Get Out, Moonlight, Do the Right Thing, and Everything Everywhere All at Once. Shoutout to my film teacher for helping me log more films on Letterboxd!

Some of my favorite films I watched for the first time this year:

• Oldboy
• Akira
• Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
• Parasite
• Blade Runner
• Howl's Moving Castle
• Aftersun
• Buffalo '66
• Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse
• Perfect Blue
• Her

Shows

    My show interest definitely grew some more this year. Had a good time with samurai shows in the first few months, as I tackled a few more Samurai Jack seasons and finished Samurai Champloo, amazing anime! Felt some burnout as I attempted to keep going with two anime series', You're Under Arrest and Initial D, but it all got better in March when I started watching Daria. Definitely had quite a phase with it and eventually finished it in August, great animated series that aged well. When I was starting to lose a bit of interest in it, I started Violet Evergarden in April, and goddammit, that really hit. After that and going back to watching the other shows I was continuing, I started watching MTV's Downtown in May and June, which was honestly a nice substitute to Daria, cool to see that it's grown a larger cult following online. Over the summer break, I started giving Aqua Teen Hunger Force a shot which was pretty decent, but more significantly I started watching a show that wasn't an anime or an animated series in general: Twin Peaks. In addition to that, I started watching The Last of Us as it was available on the plane monitors when I was traveling to the Philippines. I finished it weeks later on the plane ride back, but still didn't have season 1 of Twin Peaks finished, believe it or not. In fact, I still don't have it finished, the farthest I got was to episode 6 in July, then I wanted to give it another shot in September so I started from the beginning again but only got up to episode 2. I never felt burnout from it, I REALLY liked it, I just never had the time to finish it unfortunately. Anyways, I started Steins;Gate in August and continued in September but didn't finish it for, well, the same reasons for Twin Peaks.

Some of my favorite shows I started watching, finished watching seasons of, or did both to this year:

• Violet Evergarden
• Twin Peaks
• The Last of Us
• Daria
• Smiling Friends
• Steins;Gate
• Downtown
• Samurai Jack

Video Games

    If you thought I barely experienced any shows this year, well let me tell you, the were way less games I played this year, and it's all because of Enter the Gungeon. I started playing it near the end of 2022, and carrying it onto the next year, I thought it wouldn't be too hard for me, especially considering it takes, on average, 23 hours to beat according to HowLongToBeat.com. By the end of 2023, however, I had already spent a whopping 175 hours in it without beating it a single time. Anyways, I did play and beat some other games this year, though I also had my fair share of time-wasting browser games. Early in the year, I beat Fire Emblem: The Blazing Blade, my first game in the series, a pretty decent tactical RPG, although I felt like it was stuffed with a little too much dialogue, had pretty basic plot, and didn't allow me to experience everything it provided before it ended as a lot of it felt like tutorials. I started off my summer beating Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins, which was pretty ok. During the break, I started and finished Portal, which I honestly had a lot of fun with and felt that it had clever level design and a unique concept. Tried giving Portal 2 a shot, but it didn't run the best, so I decided not to continue and try another time if I could get my computer to run better. I also started and finished Star Fox 64, which I loved even more. It's a simple classic rail shooter but it has so much replay value to it, with its different level designs, missions, and changing trajectory of your journey based on your playthrough. Not to mention its voice acting and animations, which really feel like a cool time capsule for 90s video games. That was the last game I beat in 2023, some games I started but didn't finish were Banjo-Kazooie, Revita, Donkey Kong (Game Boy remake), and Ib (really good RPG Maker game, could be a 9/10 for me once I finish it). Some games I continued from 2022 and still haven't gotten past are Advance Wars and Super Metroid. I hate backtracking.

Some of my favorite games I started playing, finished playing, or did both to this year:

• Star Fox 64
• Portal
• Ib
• Fire Emblem: The Blazing Blade

Miscellaneous Media

    I started getting into webcomics, starting with The Property of Hate, then branching into stuff like Now Recharging and Megatokyo. On YouTube, I spent a lot of time watching and loving content from videogamedunkey (as always), HIVEMIND, TheTalentlessWriter, Joel Haver, DougDoug, ProZD, onlysmallbites, NakedJakey, matttt, and zombiebeatz2000. I read some books, all of which being from school (some of which I didn't finish...) although I copped myself Hayao Miyazaki's autobiography "Starting Point: 1979-1996" and finally got "Crying in H Mart" by Michelle Zauner, so I'll definitely read those in 2024.

    That's about it. Unfortunately didn't finish typing up this blog post in time before the new year at home in New Jersey, although I'm in Los Angeles where it's 10:14 PM. Still glad I finished it before the year ended where I am, I had to finish my "Top 50 Songs of 2023" list earlier today. Anyways, had a fine 2023. Hoping to consume more media across different mediums in 2024, but more importantly getting my grades up and working more on my art and music. Here's to (hopefully) a better year.

- Anthony “Salteh” S. • • •

Thank You (regarding Songs From Dream Beach)

    I don't wanna repeat myself (what I said on the last blog post), but I can't think of a better way to start. I've been wanting to get out more music for months, and there were quite some things getting in my way while I was finally working on some. But now it's been out for 2 weeks, and I'm proud of it.

    Thank you to everyone that supported me throughout any point in time in which I was working on and teasing it. The biggest shoutout has to go to my good Twitter mutual Flaet, as he was the first to show support towards the EP when I unveiled its cover, and continued to show support during the week of its release. I also want to shoutout my other mutuals james mcguire and Brandy for their support, my media arts teacher from last year that I still talk to occasionally as he offered help with the EP, but really anyone that showed any form of appreciation through simply liking any tweet I made related to it or even checked it out.

    I figured that to show my appreciation, I'll offer insight and facts on each of the tracks so you all could get a better understanding and appreciation of it, so here we go:

    In Dream Beach was the first track I worked on, and you could even find its start as I've shared a bit of a concept of it back in April. I figured it all out through just fiddling with my guitar (which was common with pretty much all of the original tracks), and once I figured out what the chorus would sound like, I though it was nice to include as this switch-up to shift the lyrical focus somehow. The chorus was also the first part of the song I came up with lyrics for, and as I built around it, I thought it was a great way of letting the listener settle into this 'Dream Beach' that the EP is themed quite a bit around.

casually goofballed with my guitar and somehow came up with this. bro. i’m a musical genius. somebody get me signed to xl recordings pic.twitter.com/m1tCiatPjm

— • • • (@SaltehTSS) April 28, 2023

    Never Again was the second track I worked on and the second track on the EP. I envisioned it as an introspective, sentimental teen narrative taking place in the 2000s since I really admire the nerdy culture of that time (you could very clearly see that early on in the song with the Halo 2 line, I was a bit back-and-worth on that line because a part of me thought it was pretty corny) despite not being able to really live through it. The "you got on the train... but you would never look back again" line was probably the first lyric I came up with, and once I started building a story around it and eventually knew how it would all go, I felt really good about it and thought listeners would find it touching. The song's narrative was somewhat inspired by the film 'Waves' (2019), and as I was working on the track I later realized that I was indirectly taking inspiration from Moon Song by Phoebe Bridgers for its general vibe. I know that sounds weird, but I'm pretty sure I gave Punisher a relisten around the time, and it clicked with me more, though Moon Song had always stuck with me.

    Eyes Without a Face is pretty self explanatory, just a short cover of the Billy Idol song of the same name. I'm not a fan of Billy Idol, but I find this song of his to be quite a charming one that kinda fits with the vibe of the EP. I played it at a lower key and skipped out on the "Les yeux sans visage" parts of the chorus, as well as the bridge and everything after that.

    I'm a Failing Man was intended to be a track in which I express my struggle with school that I feel a lot of my classmates don't experience. It was intended to be heavily inspired by Daniel Johnston's music, especially his song "Despair Came Knocking". It was of course, with quite some simplicity to it, but I never truly got to recording it. When I finished working on the EP on October 29th, I literally just redid all of the lyrics and recorded 2 piano layers and my vocals. I would rerecord my vocals quite a few times and ended up putting on a few Elliott Smith songs (specifically some on Roman Candle) to figure out how exactly I wanted my vocals delivered.

    Lastly, Gazing Above Dream Beach was an instrumental track that, believe it or not, wasn't initially intended to be on the EP. I had simply played around on a new BandLab project and ended up making something that I later felt would fit in with the contents of the EP. I imagine it as a sonic reflection of the track's title. I sampled spoken word audio from "Whack Your Boss," a short, interesting flash game I discovered and played over a year ago, as well as a video simply recording city sounds in Seoul, South Korea. I also later realized that I might've been indirectly taking inspiration from "A Quick One Before the Eternal Worm Devours Connecticut" by Have A Nice Life, as I had recently given Deathconsciousness a first-time listen at the time and had been obsessed with it.

 

    I see Songs From Dream Beach as a moment of letting go from everything just for recollecting yourself and kinda looking back at some things. It's been a nice little ride preparing to have it out, finally putting it out, and watching its view count grow over time. I even took screenshots of Album of The Year's "New Album Releases" page 40 minutes after releasing it, and it appeared on the second page with no ratings while the trending albums already had a good deal of ratings.

    I've also went on to make a playlist compiling music that had inspired the EP. Definitely worth your time if you liked the EP and are interested in checking out similar music.

    That's about it. Thank you all for supporting me regarding my new music, and I hope you all will continue to support me as I'll continue to put out more in the future, as I have a lot in mind.

- Anthony “Salteh” S. • • •

'Songs From Dream Beach' EP coming soon...

    I wanted to put out some music throughout my 9th grade school year, but it's been over and I haven't put out any throughout it (unless you count the 'No Surprises' cover I did in December). However, since April I've been fiddling around with my guitar quite a bit and soon enough I started working on an EP. I've actually had it in mind for a while, but never really started until then. When I first had it in mind, I imagined it being this mix of dream pop, indie folk, and maybe even indie rock. However, I'm not skilled enough to pull something like that off, though I do hope to pull off something like that in the future.

    Anyways, the EP I've been working on is called 'Songs From Dream Beach' although I first thought of calling it 'Dream Beach EP'. Throughout my time working on it, I've taken inspiration from several different artists, most notably Nagisa Ni Te, a Japanese psychedelic-folk rock duo that I discovered through messing around with filters on Discogs back in December of last year. Alongside them, I've also taken bits of inspiration from Sweet Trip, Daniel Johnston, Elliott Smith, and even Phoebe Bridgers.

    The EP is 5 tracks long, with a total length of 14 and a half minutes. The tracklist of the EP goes as follows:

1. In Dream Beach
2. Never Again
3. Eyes Without a Face
4. I'm a Failing Man
5. Gazing Above Dream Beach

    Since June I've been looking back at my change in mindset, my dreams, and a bit of personal struggles. I've been encompassing stuff like that into this EP. Last night, I finally finished working on it, and unlike my last one, I actually feel really good about this. Some things you all should probably know beforehand are that you should listen closely as it can be hard to identify the lyrics, it's not too complicated in terms of sound and songwriting, and I'll likely sound way different than you'll expect. I'm only 15, so I'm not the best vocalist, instrumentalist, or songwriter. I'm still growing, and I hope that'll lead me to creating far better works, so this is just a step in that process.

    The night before I went on my trip to the Philippines with my family, I finished the cover and posted it on Twitter, gaining some traction overnight. I really appreciate that, and I hope those who supported me when I posted that will check this out.

soon... pic.twitter.com/LOwI44MCim

— • • • (@SaltehTSS) July 23, 2023

    Anyways, the EP will be out on Friday, November 3rd, via my YouTube channel. Hope you all will be looking forward to it.

- Anthony “Salteh” S. • • •

Strange Cold Today

     First off, let me just say that as I start this, I just woke up from an unintentional mid-day nap, so uh, I think that makes the feeling I've gotten from today even stronger.

    I've gotten this strange, cold feeling from today. I woke up after 3-4 hours of sleep (stood up till 3 to work on this ELA assignment that I didn't even finish) and as my mom was driving me to school, it was quite flooded around us. Some teachers and a good deal of students didn't come today, so things were a bit empty and more laidback than usual. I didn't eat any of the lunch I brought (though I ate some of it when I got home) and I had to turn in work that I wasn't done with. Also, after school on Fridays, I like to visit the media arts room and visit with my teacher last year who's been supportive of my art and music and just talk for a bit before going home. He's a friendly guy that usually does have students stopping by after school to talk to him, but I saw a paper on his door asking not to come in unless you're currently a student of his, and I don't have a class of his until a later quarter of the school year. I look forward to stopping by every week, but as much as I wanted to, I decided not to go and not to risk it this time around.

    I've had a bit of a rough week. Been behind on a bunch of assignments, my parents locked the the computer desk room I spend most of my home time in, and I stood up late every day of the week. I've had some plans for throughout the week and even for today, but it doesn't seem like I've been able to do that. Let's just hope I improve a bit over this weekend.

- Anthony "Salteh" S. • • •

The End of Salteh The Salty Squid

Hey everyone, Salteh / Anthony here.

For those of you who don't know, my YouTube channel 'Salteh The Salty Squid' was pretty much my first major appearance on the internet. It's been a dream of mine for years prior, but over time I've given up on it and felt more like pursuing music and maybe even visual art. I've also had a bit of a rough time on the internet over the past few years, dealing with a bunch of trolls and hate raiders targeting me on YouTube and Twitter.

I'm tired of it, and I don't want to be deceived as a fool anymore as I shift paths.

Due to all of that combined, I've decided that tonight, all 70+ videos that I've uploaded on the channel (and alt channels) over the course of 5+ years will go private (though a few will go unlisted) and replaced with a short video giving more details in its description, also serving as a goodbye letter.

It's been a long, wild ride, and I appreciate everyone who's stuck with me throughout it, whether it's the people that supported me from the start, to the people who didn't join in until 1~2 years ago.

I hope you all understand and will continue to support me as I switch paths and enter my own new era.

- Anthony "Salteh" S. • • •