Though I'm glad I'm back in school being able to see most of my friends from last year, I've found it hard to have time for other things. Though I really want to spend more time with my friends, as well as grow my general taste in all kinds of media such as games, music, anime, films, etc.; I don't really have too much time with that, considering the work I've been given here in high school. I know it's because I'm now in high school, but it feels like a bit too much. Once I'm able to finish that, I later feel like I'm not doing my best though.
A lot of the time, I tend to get jealous seeing others in the same classroom as me do really well and get all the praise for it, that often make me doubt myself and feel like I'm not as good as them. There's some times where I feel like I'm missing out on things to remember or note about doing certain assignments, so I end up not getting a full grade for not doing an additional thing. Sometimes I'm just generally not able to complete things since I'm not able to understand things so easily. I really want to try to focus more on school stuff and spend most of my time working on it so I could do better and eventually feel like I fit in.
There's also so many things that take away the time I need to finish this stuff, and it's more than just general distractions. Sometimes my family will force me to go around with them to unimportant places. Other times I have counseling that lasts 2 hours. My mom acts like it's not a big deal, but it is, you could do so much in 2 hours, 2 hours is just as important as a couple minutes, especially for someone like me who finds it hard to process information. My mom doesn't even understand that, she doesn't care about me, she just gives me "advice" that doesn't even help and just makes me feel worse, like how she tells me to do something that's literally out of my reach, basically to "just try to do better, whatever." Then when I do worse she acts like nothing happened.
I just really wish I could find a way to finish all this work quickly, leaving it off with a better understanding of it, while also finally having the time to do what I want. I want to focus mostly on the work, but also my hobbies and time with friends, and then as little family time as possible since as you know from the last blog post, I'm starting to like my family less.
-Anthony "Salteh" S. • • •
