Cyberbullying

     1 year ago, on my way back home from school, I checked the Twitter app since I noticed some notifications. I figured it's just the usual: some likes on some replies I made, maybe even casual replies. But instead, it felt like a whole attack. I saw a bunch of people reply to a tweet I made, in which I took a joke they made to offense. Let me make this clear: I wasn't in on the joke. I wasn't aware that what they said was out of pure sarcasm. Even despite that, they went ahead and replied, mocking me, teasing me, and calling me a troll (when I wasn't, I was just unaware). I wish I could've just taken it in and laughed it off, but I couldn't. I tried fighting back, but they kept teasing. I tried to make them stop by expressing myself, but that was obviously a dumb idea, so they didn't care. So I decided to just go private for a few days, started to vent on my account to people who followed me and actually understood me, and disabled notifications ultimately (and still have them off) so I wouldn't have my heart racing in worry again from another case in the future.

I’ve had to deal with so much these past 2 weeks and now these mfs are ganging up on me so I could hate myself even more, I can’t fking take this anymore
Privating soon pic.twitter.com/hTkASQYB1Z

— • • • (@SaltehTSS) January 19, 2022

    I've been fragile my whole life, and I'm not even exaggerating or trying to victimize myself. I've been so sensitive to so many things, and I sometimes find it hard to live in the world we live in today. This leads me to sometimes prefer spending my time with the online world, where I can meet nice people with similar interests so easily and discover new things. Being in online communities with cool people gives me comfort. But along the way, I'll sometimes alert people on accident and suddenly become a target for saying something not at all inappropriate, there's so many cases of me doing that. After a while, I've come to realize that the online world is sometimes like the real world I know. I carry my fragility and sensitivity from the real world to the online world and just can't help it, which is why I feel the similarities. I know other people will say that cyberbullying isn't real, I've seen screenshots of a Tyler, the Creator tweet in which he jokes about how cyberbullying isn't real and how people should just walk away from the screen and close their eyes, and though I believe he's right about how people could avoid it, it's hard for some not to feel offended by it, myself included. Like, whenever I've felt like I've been attacked, it's made a mark on me mentally, and I find it hard to forget about it, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels that way. I just wish more people were aware of how the things they say could effect people online. I've known about so many popular people on the internet who've had a hard time dealing with cyberbullying and eventually ended it all for themselves so they wouldn't need to feel anything anymore, I don't want to bring up any examples for I feel that it wouldn't be too respectful, comparing my experiences online to theirs. I just wish there were more people who took stuff like that into consideration.

    Last month, I watched the 1998 anime series 'Serial Experiments Lain' and I loved it, it struck out to me so much. It perfectly encapsulates and displays the dangers of technology, the online world, its effect on others, and how some treat it more seriously than others do. I wish more people could maybe take stuff like that into consideration, because some will treat the real world and the online world as the same.

-Anthony “Salteh” S. • • •

A Poem, 12.30.22-1.2.23

Despair came knocking, I let her in for a while

Lost so much, now myself, I feel in denial

Felt so much, I don't want to feel anymore

I'm so tired, so tired of feeling so sore

The sharp blade pierces into my chest

It hurts, now the feeling's even stronger

Ain't no saving me, ain't no saving me

For I won't be here any more longer

    Started writing this on the 30th of last month during my winter break since I remembered that we would have to present a spoken word poem in ELA class. I wanted to make something dark, something which could shock or impress my teacher and classmates, so I wrote the first stanza on the 30th, and just finished it. I most likely won't be presenting this though, not because it's dark, but because spoken word poetry's supposed to be about self-expression and sharing views on certain topics, and mine doesn't really do that.

    One last thing, parts of the poem are inspired by songs such as 'Despair Came Knocking' by Daniel Johnston, 'I'm So Tired' by Fugazi, 'Superman That' by Injury Reserve, and 'FEEL.' by Kendrick Lamar. The FEEL. influence may not be easy to detect though, the 3rd line on the 2nd stanza was going to be "Nobody's praying for me, no one saving me" which would've made it more clear.

    What do you all think?

-Anthony “Salteh” S. • • •