Thought about typing this out last week but it was April Fools Day so I thought it wouldn't be very fitting. Planned on doing so the next day but procrastinated for a few days. Anyways.
I've never been the one to care for fashion or looks too much. It's ironic because I'm really self-conscious about my looks, especially when it comes to my hair. I've never really thought of myself as good looking, and I've beaten myself up inside so much because of it.
Last week, on the start of the month, my family and I had a little day trip to New York. We did the usual at first, going to the same book stores we'd known, but I didn't find anything I was truly interested in this time around. But the trip wasn't over and I found something else making this trip worth experiencing.
We went to a clothing store my sister wanted to go to, and for a while my dad and I just stood somewhere waiting, as we typically would when brought along to these types of stores. But then something popped in my mind. I thought about how I typically hated how I dressed with my mom's help, how boring I thought it made me look. I started looking around.
Then I went with my sister to UNIQLO, and even though I had felt some sort of bias against the company after learning about where they get their fabrics from the month before through my environmental science class, this ethical ideal I had stopped temporarily as I got fascinated by all the style of the clothing there. Prior to our visit, I was beginning to form a small interest in visual art, paintings, and art periods, and so when my sister picked out a shirt she liked with the art of Jean-Michel Basquiat, I recognized it instantly, as well as that of Keith Haring. I loved what I was seeing as I followed her.
As we went back into the streets, I couldn't help but pay attention to the graffiti filling up large once-empty blocks (I don't even know if that's the right word but whatever, you get what I'm saying). I felt like some sort of mature professional, an appreciator for such art. This feeling carried on as we stopped by a restaurant serving Asian cuisine. I was paying attention to and appreciating all these things like never before.
Call me stupid all you want, but this is more complicated than something worth responses along the lines of "wow you touched grass" "wow you finally went outside". I do go outside, but I tend to ignore it and move along. Usually on a day trip to New York (or almost anywhere), I'd just listen to music on my phone, keep going, and ignore everything else. But I feel like I've been enlightened as to what's really offered out there. I always thought that there was something special about seeing the world like this and the idea of it all, but I never truly paid attention to it when I had the chance to experience it until now.
I've wanted to become this sort of appreciator for such art that could make me feel older than I actually am. I'd like to say I've nearly nailed it with my music taste and am on that road when it comes to my film taste, but I want to give myself more time to expand that for my taste across different mediums, as I think it could help me find inspiration for my own art.
And when it comes to looks, I hope to start taking control of my own more. I think my sister is perfect; she's much smarter than me, dresses herself well, maintains decent relationships, has the right personality, has decent tastes, still maintains her talents, etc. I wish I could be more like her. But it’s hard to figure out where to start.
I’ve started downloading pictures on my phone of musicians I like, specifically ones of them that strike out to me. I hope that it helps me find inspiration as to my art, how I dress, etc. I hope things will improve for me in this sense, now that I’ve started viewing the world differently.
- Anthony “Salteh” S. • • •
