The Problem With My Parents

     From last Friday to last Sunday, I was on another camping trip, this time in Pennsylvania, with my family. Although it was short, I didn't enjoy it that much, unlike the previous camping trip. I would tell them that, but if I did, they'll probably just lecture me on how wrong I am.

    In the start of the camping trip, I waited a while until I started helping with setting up the tent since I was feeling a bit tired. But then once I did start my parents were nonstop being rude to me. They referred to me in specific ways, they used stereotypes about me, and shamed me for not being "good enough." You see, if you remembered from the last blog post I made about camping, you'll know that I spend a lot of time upstairs in an office room to use the computer and other devices. But I'm not always on devices when I'm upstairs at home. My parents highly doubt that, and made a whole stereotype about me using that, and mocked me by saying that I could go use my phone in a sarcastic way. Sometimes when I was helping set up the tent, it took me a while to understand some things, but instead of helping me and taking it lightly, my parents were mad at me for not being good enough, humiliating me for being "dumb."

    This is the problem with my parents.

    In addition to that, I don't feel that they completely care. They don't always take everything seriously when I want to talk about something serious, and they don't completely listen and try to understand me and how I feel. They just listen to a bit of what I say, then as I said earlier, they'll lecture me on something else that won't help or lecture me on how "wrong" I am. Aside from that, they'll make me do things that are unnecessary and won't help me with anything. They only do it because they'll just believe anything that people their age and people on Facebook say about people like me or people my age is true.

    Going back to the part when I said that they think I'm always on devices when I'm upstairs and always on them in general, that is kind of true for the most part, but they say that I should be appreciating the outdoors, which I do. I would love to appreciate the world outside our house more, but they should realize that the reason I don't do that is because they don't let me. During my free time at home, the only outdoors place I could go to is my backyard. It's nice, but I've seen it a million times. I want to do what I see my classmates and kids on shows and movies do. I want to be able to go out the front door and simply sit there, maybe go to a nearby place, just anything to be able to explore the area around me aside from my home without my parents around. But I'm stuck here with no privacy, no alone time for me to work on myself and have something peaceful.

    That's all I have to say. Once I become more of an artist, I'm not gonna have my family involved with it.

-Anthony "Salteh" S. • • •

Nothing But My Thoughts

    I recall an experience I remember having while playing Undertale. This ghost-like creature called a Napstablook invited me over to its house. There wasn't much to it and didn't seem interesting at first, until it invited me to lie on the ground with it. As we did, we concentrated and lost focus on the things around us, and eventually the background changed into this space-like scenery, the items around disappeared, and the music changed to some ambient synthwave music. It was really interesting, and recently I've thought about it even more.

    Every few months I tend to catch a cold that lasts a few days, and a few days ago I got another one. Having that's made it harder for me to do my daily tasks I give myself. That, combined with 2 days ago, with another boring counseling session at my house and places I had to go to that took up my time made things even tougher for me to complete some things. That night I thought about something simple, peaceful, and empty that I wanted to do. I imagined just lying on the floor, looking at the ceiling, and just easing myself and my thoughts.

    Yesterday felt pretty much the same. Another boring counseling session. During it, however, I kind of zoned out of the session. I was partially in the moment in the counseling, but also out of it at the same time, zoning out, letting my thoughts move freely. After the session, I thought more about it. I thought more about the dream experience of mine. I recalled how I really felt the air coming from the AC, and it finally came to me. Here's what I envision.

    I want to be in a dark grey room during morning time. There's no artificial light, just the natural light from the sun, shining onto the window, and onto the floor, lighting up the room a bit. I want it to be an empty room, no sounds, except my breathing and the air moving around. I just want to stare out the window, letting my thoughts run free. I want my thoughts to fly ahead of me. I want to explore the world with just my thoughts. I want to feel everything.

    But yeah, that's that. Chances are, I won't be able to experience an experience like this any time soon. My house's filled with stuff, and my family's always moving around the house, always invading my privacy when I want it. I don't really feel too free either, since I don't really get to go out of the house unless my family is. Wish I could though, I know tons of other teens get their parents' permission to go out for a bit. Aside from that, I'm fine if it means going to a different place. Realistically, I could find the perfect place in the Philippines.

-Anthony "Salteh" S. • • •

Missing them

It's unbelievable.
It really is.

It's just unbelievable how the school year's over.

September to mid-June, it kept passing me by.

It moved so quickly.

Especially near the end, we didn't have enough time.

A month and a half without seeing my classmates.

People my age that I learned with.

All these familiar faces I used to see every day, but not anymore.

I'm still thinking about them.

I miss them so much...

-Anthony "Salteh" S. • • •