Today's the last day of September and I haven't put out any blog posts this month. In order to not mess up my at-least-one-blog-post-a-month challenge for myself which I messed up in July, I dug up a blog post idea I had in mind from the very early days of this blog to finally let out into this.
3 dots. A signature I've claimed as my own, pretty much a personal trademark at this point. It's my Twitter display name, I sign off serious messages with it, my Twitter profile picture used to include it, my goodbye YouTube video simply displayed them, and my it's part of the design of my selfsona's button up shirt (is that what they're called?) if you haven't noticed already, among other things. So why 3 dots, organized in a line?
When you see someone online send 3 periods, they're usually speechless in a neutral way. If they end their message with it, they're adding a bit of a space or leading into something. I've always had this weird attachment to the number 3 for a long time now and I don't know why. The 3 starter lives stereotype for video games? 3 offered starter Pokémon per game (I was heavily into Pokémon when it started to stick with me)? Trilogies and trinities? I'm not sure.
Anyways, believe it or not (hopefully believe, considering the last paragraph), I kind of started embracing this 3 dots trademark thoughtlessly. I thought it was a nice and simple way to represent myself. As time has gone on, however, I've started to meld my own meaning for it.
I don't like labeling myself or being labeled, I don't think those types of things even matter, but I guess I'd always consider myself an introverted, nervous kid that can't always express himself properly, at least in real life. I feel like it's only become a more serious thing as I grow up and get a better understanding of myself, my feelings, my past experiences, and the world around me. One thing I can't exactly get a better understanding of, however, is how I want to move forward with these things, especially when it feels like the whole world's in a rough spot. I'm in conflict with myself often, constantly comparing myself to others in my head and not feeling fit for most communities I involve myself in, among other things. Additionally, seeing how the current climate in different fields are doesn't make it any better. There's so much going on and I don't think I can keep up with all of it, so I try to distract myself and look away from it all, even if that's not the smartest thing for me to do as I grow up. It's through all the music and other art I love as an escape from it all, while inspiring my own creative endeavors as an additional escape. That's what I'd kind of say my 3 dots connects with. Both my silence and my internal struggle to make out feelings about whatever's going on (maybe a 3rd reason if we include making my own music and art as a means of achieving some sort of peace and satisfaction... wait a second 3 reasons... just like the dots... oh my god I'm a geni-).
As far back as I can recall, I first embraced these 3 dots in the early days of my Bandcamp artist account. I made it years ago, before I was even old enough to have one (which is why it's empty, though I promise I'll start using it eventually as I'm 16), and branded it the same way I did for my typical, casual social media accounts. Eventually, though, I felt it was a little too immature and didn't suit the type of mood or aesthetic I wanted to aim for with it. Desperate to switch things, I ended up making a simple black background, 3 white dots graphic as my profile picture to convey something a bit serious. It felt weird, having that as the picture representing me on there, while on my other social media accounts I stuck to my more cartoony side. That was until I experienced another small hate/troll raid on my Twitter account that I let my more serious side shine through that simple graphic representing me all over. I've let that image of how I present myself slip quite a bit, but deep inside I always feel connected to it, it's what I feel represents me better.
Maybe I sound pretentious for making up profound symbolism behind 3 dots that I initially embraced for no reason? Whatever. Anyways, as I continue to grow up I hope for these sentiments to still remain true in some way, and I hope more can understand that and give me the type of respect I've struggled to gain for a long time. I hope that you all can at least connect with that, and if not that's fine, I'm open to finding more people who feel they can.
- Anthony “Salteh” S. • • •
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