Close, yet... distant?

    Today was my sister's birthday. Like yesterday, I remained in my room just reading my summer reading book for hours while she spent the day going out with friends. Pretty much the only time I spent with her was at 8 PM when I wished her a happy birthday with my parents downstairs as she blowed a candle on a bite-sized cake. She didn't really even eat it, my mom said I could eat some of it so I had a few bites. It felt weird though. It was the only time we spent together today and we didn't really interact, but more importantly I didn't have a gift for her. Last year I convinced my mom to order her an Asuka Langley plush (because she loves Evangelion, we already had a Rei plush at the time), but this time around I had nothing. I don't really give or get her anything but she's given and gotten me a lot of things. She doesn't really seem to care about that, it doesn't even seem to be on her mind, but I still feel a bit guilty for it. After the birthday wishes were soon done I just went back upstairs, but it felt weird. It feels like we were distant even though we weren't that far apart, on a day where we probably shouldn't be.

    A bit over a week ago I watched 'Aftersun' (2022) on the plane ride back, and since then I've been thinking quite a bit about it even though I didn't connect to it all that much (I do plan on rewatching it in 2 days though). It displays memories of a father and daughter remaining close despite being distant in their understanding of one another. I feel something similar.

- Anthony “Salteh” S. • • •

Need to focus

     The summer break ends in about a week, and I've barely gotten through the book I've been assigned. This happens a lot, and I end up rushing near the end of it (which is pretty much what I'll have to do now). But, it's become an even more clear issue to me. I came back from the Philippines a few days ago and could've made more progress on it but didn't until now. I just spent the time just enjoying myself, thinking I'll get to it later. But if I don't change this habit, it'll probably have a huge effect on me at probably the worst time.

    I'm 15 and next May I'll turn 16. That may not seem like something to worry about a lot since it's pretty far, but by then I'll be able to start making money off the music I make (according to Bandcamp). I wanna be able to take advantage of that instantly because I don't wanna try any other job, I don't think I could do well in anything other than what I'm passionate about. Not just that, but it seems like I'll really have to be prepared for 10th grade. It seems to be really tough, and not doing what I'm supposed to do once could probably have a huge negative effect and cause my grades to go down for a while. I've experienced it before and I don't want to experience it again.

    I think I should be spending less time with others and distractions, meanwhile I should spend more time to myself, whether it's doing my work or doing creative stuff, maybe even appreciating more media I haven't yet consumed.

- Anthony “Salteh” S. • • •

Sickness

    Ever since I came back to the US after 3 flights, I haven't been feeling the best. Not only do I have a general sickness, but I have this weird feeling in my neck that I can't seem to get rid of. I've felt tired a lot of the time, so I end up taking mid-day naps that last a couple hours. Thing is though, I feel like I've been losing all consciousness when it comes to time, so every time I wake up things feel weird, it feels like a whole new day when it's actually the same day. I woke up from a mid-day nap a bit over an hour ago, and I'm pretty sure I was about to throw up but ended up swallowing it up which feels so weird, but I don't even remember if that happened or not.

    I really want to stop feeling this as soon as possible, because I still have to finish the EP I've been working on for months, and I still have so much summer work to finish before school starts in 12 days for me.

- Anthony “Salteh” S. • • •

Looking back before leaving the Philippines

    On July 23rd, my family and I were already finished with packing our things, and so we left to the airport for our 3 week vacation to the Philippines. Usually we'd visit every 2 years over summer break, but due to COVID and some other thing we had to delay it. If I recall correctly, the last time we visited was back in 2018, so it's been a long time. Anyways, we had to go through some frustrating stuff at the airport and went on over 18 hours worth of flights (all of which I got airsick on and therefore barely felt like eating), but after that we finally made it. 3 weeks passed by pretty quickly and now we're about to fly back, so I wanted to look back at this trip with this post.

    A very obvious thing I did with my family upon arriving in the Philippines is meeting with relatives, which is something we did throughout the trip. I'm glad to know that some of my grandparents are still alive and well, and that new things have been going on with them since the last time I saw them. Sometimes I'd visit their homes, and sometimes I'd go to malls and other places with them. Although I spent a lot of time on the trip just sitting in my room on my MacBook (which ultimately led to me finishing watching all of Daria), I did like spending time with my cousins. I remember visiting an orchestra thing that one of my cousins was part of perform. I also remember one of my cousins and her boyfriend bringing my sister and I to some places for a drink, some food, a Photo Booth, and a place to play pool, which I was enjoyed and did good at. I guess my time on 8 Ball Pool on my phone paid off, haha.

    When I did leave the house, I admired the environment quite a bit. Sometimes I liked sitting in cars or motorcycle taxis and looking around at different houses and buildings. The architecture wasn't as fancy and didn't seem as valuable, likely because there isn't as much wealth going around here when compared to the US, but I honestly feel like it has its own charm, though at the same time I feel bad for some people and the homes they live in.

    Putting that aside, I really appreciate the culture and food here. We went to different restaurants and had a lot of different food. There's some filipino restaurants and fast food chains that I wish had a stronger presence in the US. Oh yeah, also I don't know where to fit this in this blog post but we even went on some short mini trip here to another island and it was nice, visited a museum and some beaches.

    So yeah, that's all. I enjoyed this trip, the Philippines is a really nice place that expands across a lot of islands, and I hope to explore it more in the future. When I get back home I'll be sure to finish the EP and release more details on it in another blog post before dropping it.

- Anthony “Salteh” S. • • •